While this was just an excerpt from the daily life, in 2017 one fine morning at Janmashtami, I get a call from my manager in Mumbai. For me, it was the worst time to talk as I had just slumbered into sleep at 6 in the morning, after playing games with my whole family.
He called and said- “You got a call from the Amit Trivedi studio, get up and reach Mumbai ASAP!” I simply ignored it and dozed off while he was calling. Finally, he calls my mother to tell the same and only after that I realized- “It ought to be pretty serious!” Gulping down this huge news was a matter of half an hour and when I came out of it, I was already panicking that no way I am going to reach Mumbai by 7. The tickets showed a cost of 30k and the only option was to drive by road to Baroda and catch a plane from there. And surprisingly I took up even that, but I was pretty sure that I am not going to make it in time! In midst of this, I get another call from “Ashish Narula” who turned out to be a part of Amit Trivedi production!! I made him recall the time we had during the concert and he instantly recognizes me! It was quite a relief that he said I can come around 8-9 comfortably!
I reached the studio, and had a moment where I danced in my head! I waited there and saw Benny Dayal! We had a small conversation when I came to know in disbelief that his song was rejected!
Meanwhile, Ashish comes in and introduces me to Benny and I was already having this giggling dancing voices in my head seeing a person introducing me to such a big star! Then Asish just opens his laptop and I saw one of my old videos on his current page (I was stunned as this was one of my old compositions, and I want to delete it now because it kinda felt cringe to me!) and hands me paper- written that the movie name was Secret Superstar with Music Of Amit Trivedi and Amir Khan Productions!!
I was dumbfounded! Ashish says you have to sing for this song. And I was like- “Is this making any freaking sense?!” I was imagining more of maybe a sound supervising or programming role. But I always had the thing that singing was my streamline and I was ready!
Thereafter I met Amit Sir and the experience was one of its kind!! I rehearsed all the lines and had a small session for vocal testing. And then I came to know that I am the 18th singer who was auditioning for this song; that made me sigh; I thought that-“In no time it can be the turn of the 19th”. But as it turns out, 5-6 times of repeated comebacks to Mumbai got me the song finally!
After almost 10-11 back and forths, I completed the recording! A funny incident was that I once went all the way just to sing a phrase of “7:30” in the song because Amir Sir was the perfectionist for sure!
On the final day was the biggest relief, when my song was finally “locked” for the movie and waiting for the already got me so late for my flight. I rushed to the airport to find that gratefully there was still time! En-route, I had already started making calls to my family to begin a big celebration because I finally became a Bollywood Playback Singer!!!
I gave my phone to the lady behind the counter to see my flight details and all of a sudden the phone rings. I thought that I should brush it off and call back after I reach home, but the number was of Mumbai, so I thought I should pick up!
“Hello”
“Hello Kushal, This is Amir Khan Speaking. You have a great voice and I am sorry that I couldn’t come to the recording sessions.”
With these words, the ground beneath me was already shaking and I already felt like jumping and screaming in excitement! Yet I was speechless- and only thanked God that he was not present during the recording. Or else how the hell would have I sang even!
We had a small conversation before we bid goodbyes and it remains the biggest fanboy moment I experienced till now!
Jumping into the reality though; the first 30 days of the lockdown were a bliss! I do not doubt that I was able to indulge with my family on a different level; I loved cooking for all of them and this time gave me a lot of enthusiasm to try beautiful dishes. I got to work upon my Professional side too and improve my social media handles.
Yeah, being extremely extrovert, I never actually got a thought that social media is all about it, right?! So I started with an IGTV series called the “Quarantine and Sing’- and I was blown away with the kind of response I got. I would eat, sleep, binge watch movies, and play poker with my family. But when we were in an illusion that this lockdown is a 21-day thing, but it turned out not to be so- there started the real challenges of Lockdown!
I suffered from some minor respiratory problems from my childhood days, and when this outbreak happened, the first thought was- “Arrey bhai kahi mujhe bhi Corna toh nai hogya?!” But the concerns were just temporary and subsided easily as I would turn a jovial eye to it! But when a curfew broke out in the whole of the Ahmedabad where we weren’t even able to step out even for groceries, one of my friend’s father passed away persisting to his long illness. As the whole distant family of theirs was in the US, we had to perform the last rites as well.
Only after returning from that place and for days after that, negativity started crawling in – a bit by bit, but evident. I would just spiral over thoughts like – “what after this’, “What am I going to do?!”, “Why this lockdown”, “Why this disease?!”, “Why the deaths?!” I was hitting the rock bottom with these thoughts that I never even imagined- I believed I was so much ambient with positivity!
I woke up usually to have breakfast, but this crazy eeriness would not go away! I had only half of it and left for a bath thinking that it will eventually go. But as I entered the washroom, I turned absolutely blank!! It felt as if –“Din me taarey dikh gye”. It was only for a couple of seconds but I was baffled. I started counting my pulse and was horrified to my wits seeing it shot up around a 145. And the first thought was- “Is it a heart attack?!” I got nervous and faced a little difficulty in breathing, so I used the pump. Only to realize that it was a mistake!
I sought help from my brother and visited the doctor to find out that I was having a “Panic Attack” which worsened a little because of the pump I used. I got the medications and had it regularly. It was okay up to the extent when the medication was over. I gain started getting anxious thinking that how will I stay alright without the medications! I again made an appointment with the doctor when I started experiencing 4-5 attacks throughout the day. The doctor, on the contrary, snubbed me saying- “There is nothing wrong with you, and if you come back again I am going to prescribe anti-depressants!” I left thereafter but thought even more dreaded came into my mind- “Am I depressed?!”
With every passing day, I had the same attacks and negative thoughts. So I again seek my brother and made an appointment with the doctor again. But when I stepped out, I felt a gush of good air, and just asked my brother to give the keys to the car! And the moment I held them, there was this good feeling creeping in after a long long time! I decided I will drive and my brother confused all the while with this change agreed!
I started the car and had a good three rounds into our locality with songs at full volume, and had an electrolyte drink while at the Petrol Pump! And boom! Kushal was back!
…
The lockdown is easing up eventually and small night stays with friends, and fun things are starting with safety measures!
After all this, I only realized I needed a good ride and a good drink to be alright. So after that day, I started driving around in our locality and had juices! And life is good now! And what I learned is- “be easy on yourself, and discover your key to reach yourself back!”
Penned down by - Sneha Batabyal