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I continued scrolling. And scrolled down repeated posts of stupid memes, adorable dog videos, people showing off their cooking skills, dance moves, the local Bryan Adams with their guitars, then some news posts giving the statistics of more positive cases of coronavirus. Scrolling can be like that habit to go for the plate of fries even when you are full!
Sometimes some posts make me halt for a moment like when I saw a video of a kid trying to wake his dead mother or when I read another caption describing how a 12-year-old girl died of exhaustion and hunger by walking hundreds of kilometers to reach her village. The statistics show an increase in the domestic violence cases reported. I have stopped reading the news nowadays as I am convinced the world is coming to an end soon. Even on days when I try to update myself on the current happenings, it’s beyond me to comprehend if there are any real benefits of events happening like removal of labour laws, destroying wildlife sanctuaries and national parks, arresting students for raising questions?
These are just a few but enough to drain me or anyone who is concerned about things that may be beyond our control. So I open my Netflix and binge on F.R.I.E.N.D.S... Don’t you agree it’s a perfect mix to make you feel better? The show, a large chunk of cake and those packets of chips you overloaded your shopping cart with when you went for your weekly grocery shopping trip, the new highlight of our travel plans.
Suddenly it is night, we had dinner and I am in bed, again! How did the day end so fast? Did I do anything ‘productive’? What am I even doing with my life? Then I remember my mom telling me how we will never get this kind of free time over again or those posts saying how if we don’t fulfill our goals now it was never about time but our laziness. Guilt intensified, I hit up my friends hoping it will be like sharing the last moment anxiety before exams. But as it turns out that they had it all sorted and they did everything they were ‘supposed’ to do.
Working out towards their summer body goals, online courses, and certificates from Yale and Edinburgh, learning new languages, or whatever else that were there on their list! It was just me, the only one who was left out. And the guilt for not being more productive engulfed me. Don’t get me wrong, I am and always will be happy for their achievements but my mental state on those particular days won’t give me the inherent motivation to check out the boxes from my to-do list. There was a pandemic going on and we were forced to stay home, not have human contact and yet I felt everything else was secondary because I was losing in the productivity race. Don’t you feel we were conditioned to fear coming last? Also please tell me which tasks come under the productivity category and which as slacking off?
But wait, when did I even sign up for this race? when everyone said those who could afford the luxury of staying home during this time should come out as the best version of themselves, did they include how this is an opportunity to understand our needs as a person and to act for ourselves at our own pace? No, I am not a mental health professional but just a twenty-one-year girl cramped in her room but I will still like to say you that it’s okay if you didn’t do anything ‘productive’ today.
It’s okay if you didn’t feel like exercising or if you have put on some weight, your days are different now. It’s okay if all you have done today was to wake up and bathe as on some days even these feel like arduous tasks! If you feel the uncertainty of everything is too much, it’s okay to feel anxious, to want assurance and care. You are not asking too much. It’s okay if you haven’t learned a new skill as at the end you have to just apply your own recipe to survive a few more days and you will. Because you are strong and brave and as cliché, as it might sound, this too shall pass!
However, if we want to restart, it’s never too late. Others might have started earlier but you starting at some point is always counted as the first milestone. We can always take baby steps to do something very basic that makes us feel better. Sometimes we can pick up hobbies not to be the master of the arts but because it gives us happiness. Like picking up your old crayons and brushes, or watching that movie that was always on your watch list. Maybe a documentary on a topic that interests us even if it’s not related to our academic curriculums. Doing exercise, yoga, or just dancing in your own room for ten minutes, it won’t give you six-pack abs in a month, but each step counts! So sing that song, paint that picture with v-shaped birds, and water that drying plant in your garden, and let us know what made you feel a little better today?
With this, I hope you all do whatever it takes to be happy and stay sane during this lockdown. And a note for everyone else who is thinking that it’s all an excuse to not put efforts. Mental health is a real deal. Period.