Caged birds still remember how to fly.'
I always have been an introvert and overthinker all my entire life. I was never big on sharing my feelings, not even to my friends. I felt like nobody cares. Whenever things got tough (which have been so more than usual), I stuff my day with so much to do that I don’t have time to process. I used to have a routine to keep my mind away from going to those dark places. All my life I felt like a caged bird who wants to fly in the open sky but can’t. My life is full of chaos and curtailment. Violence convinced me of strange and terrible things, especially about myself. And when it came from someone who is supposed to love me, it also shapes how you start thinking about love. What made it graver was when the person at the receiving end of that violence was a child. It was not about a broken child who is hurt by her family, it is about how a broken family can hurt a child. The only escape from that world of mine was my friends and my art. But due to pandemic, I haven’t met them in 4 months and there I was all alone in my room with my thoughts and my past. I started having panic attacks. I even tried to express my feelings through my art, I made an art named ‘Losing my mind’ but nobody seems to get a message behind that. There was a time when there was no one in my life to check in on me. I couldn’t even move from my bed. I couldn't focus on anything; I was exhausted all the time. I didn’t even feel like making art. I was completely on the road to self-harm. And there came a time when I couldn't handle any more pain, I was ready to let all my pain go. I was going to commit suicide. And there came a message from my friend asking “How are you?” and all I remember is I broke down. They realized that I was not okay, they talked to me and made sure that I felt okay and safe. After that whenever I felt low, my sister was there to hug me. I had been fascinated by the outside world. But it was the time to focus on the inside world. So, to get past depression and frustration, I sketched what I felt. It acted as a therapy for me along with my friends and my sister, who persuaded me to grow. I realized that people were there for me all I needed was to get open and share my feelings to them. I am still fighting from depression but I know I am better than yesterday. I realized that it’s okay to feel lost for a while. Self-discovery has its way of making us realize about the things that we take for granted.
SHARE YOUR STORY
GIVE FEEDBACK/RATINGS
SUBSCRIBE TO NEWSLETTER