The Covid-19 virus hit Singapore way back in January 2020, a time when none of us saw the big blow that was coming to hit the world.
The number of cases started small - 3,5,6 but as it began to grow, so did our fear. India hit the lockdown before we did and I failed to understand why Singapore would not do the same. Finally, on 7th April, Singapore imposed their own version of the lockdown, called the “circuit breaker”.
Being an indoor person and someone who was already working from home, I didn’t think this period would affect me much. But that’s exactly what I meant by not seeing the “the big blow”. 18 April, my dadi back home in Siliguri took her last breath, and none of us could be by her side during that last moment. I was confused, angry, frustrated, but all I could think of at that point was to be there next to papa who had never even imagined he wouldn’t get to touch his own mother one last time. The next 11 days of mourning were tough to get by. Daily Gita paaths, lighting agarbattis and watching papa in his white kurta sit in front of dadi’s picture were heartbreaking to say the least. Amidst all of this, I was unable to talk properly to anyone other than my family. There was no particular reason, I just was not in the mood. This led to the next big blow, but honestly something I should have seen coming. 24 April, I broke up with someone I’d been with for 2 1/2 years.
The next one month was spent keeping myself very busy. Dance choreographies, working out, painting, photoshoots- I did everything possible to keep myself going. While all of this was happening here in Singapore, the situation in India was far from getting better. Going to college in Mumbai anytime soon did not seem like a possibility. Every person I came across had the same thing to say “Don’t go to India. You’re making a big mistake. Have you seen how bad things are?!”. I felt myself spiralling down a weird hole - watching sad movies to deliberately cry, spending multiple hours in the toilet trying to stop myself from crying, walking 12km straight to just keep myself distracted.
2 months later, after the lockdown in Singapore has been partially lifted, I have hope. Hope that things will get better. Hope that I will get to college in 2020. Hope that I will meet Dada and tell him we’re all in this together. Hope that life will go back to normal. Until then, video calls, online games and being allowed to meet 5 friends will get me through <3