Initially, when the lockdown started, I was kind of happy. Everything and everyone just stopped from their fast-paced lives & took a break from the routine of busy life . Everyone went back to their homes and lived with their families and loved ones. It would have been very tough for people who got stuck when the lockdown was implemented.
So, in the starting I was taking things in a very positive light, I was having my online classes which seemed to be tough to cope with but I was with my family, I was able to have quality meals which I was not able to have when I was living in a PG, I was happy how the whole family was together and we were spending quality time, playing games, talking, watching movies, etc.
Everyone was at home, societies were shut, no traffic. There was so much peace and calmness. But as time passed, things began to get tough. As everyone was together, there were more fights, more annoying behaviors, and restlessness to go back to normal lives.
I started feeling tense relating to my college work and assignments, as everything was virtual it was hard to keep up. I am not used to using WhatsApp so much, I don’t like using social media sites that much. Thus when my WhatsApp was flooded with messages I started feeling anxious, there were 10 groups with every teacher and every practical and theory class.
Plus, with so much free time I started feeling a sense of purposelessness and guilt of not using the time properly. Our psychology professors were giving services for the college students during the tough times of COVID-19, so I called one of my professors to get help with the feeling of guilt and purposelessness. After talking to her, I understood that in these tough times it’s not important for you to be productive, she told me to take time off, to introspect, to look at positives, spend time with family, and just not to burden myself with the work that I need to do. She advised me to form a schedule and follow it so that you don’t find yourself lost.
Her advice helped, but there was one more thing that disturbed me very much. I am an introvert and don’t have a lot of friends. So when things were normal, when I went to college I met people, I met my friends, we used to chill. But since the lockdown, I started feeling alone. I felt like I have no one to talk to, talking to my limited friends also reduced because everyone was having the same stuck life and there was nothing new to discuss. Plus I just started talking to a boy, I met him once before lockdown. So it was very tough to keep up with the conversation because we did not know each other.
We talked for a little while, but now that has also stopped. It was at this point I thought of starting my own Instagram page, the page is my escape. The sole purpose of the page was to have a platform where I would be able to share what I felt, plus I was anonymous so no one would know.
So I would say that the starting of the lockdown was easy it was good, everything was fine, I was happy. But after the 1 and a half months into the lockdown, situations got tough to deal with.
There was more feeling of purposelessness, helplessness, feeling alone, having nobody to share my feelings with. Some days, in particular, were very tough, I just felt like crying, being alone, looking at the sky and listening to songs, not wanting to talk to anyone.
To cope up with all the things that I was feeling, I thought to start writing. I never wrote before and I am not that good at it. But it was my escape, this was the beginning of my Instagram page.
The first thing that I wrote was-
All of us have used COVID 19 as an easy target to raise and focus on our mental health issues, how being stuck in one place affected our state of mind.
But the question that we should ask ourselves is, were we happy when things were normal?
Now we are cooped in our houses with our family, and may find it annoying and would want to live alone.
But were we happy when we lived independently and wanted to go home so bad, escape our normal routine and be back to the place where we spent our childhood?
Now we are crying about not being able to eat at and from our favorite food joints.
But, were we happy when we had to order and eat the same thing again and again, and longed for "maa ke hath ka Khanna".
Now we are sad about not being able to travel and meet our friends.
But, didn't we all needed time to introspect and do things that we always wanted, to pursue our hobbies and passions that we didn’t have time to do in our normal busy packed up routine?
Now we are disturbed with so much peace and silence around us.
But, were we happy when all we heard was honking and were always stuck in
traffic?
Now, we all get holidays or off-days which we have never expected and now we so badly want to go back to our old lives.
But, were we happy when we took 2 days off for relaxation and still ended up worrying to get back to work on Monday and getting work calls on our off days?
Will we ever be satisfied?
The difference is of perspective. I know it's tough to look at everything with a positive attitude but we surely can try.
We can try to cherish these moments.
We can try to forgive.
We can try to learn something from this experience.
It’s the new normal, we should accept it and move on with our lives.
I wrote this because it’s always good to ask questions to ourselves and try to find answers on our own.
So this was my story, of dealing with or experiencing the COVID- 19 quarantine . Thank you for asking me my story, it feels great.
You guys are doing a great job.
For more motivational or sad thoughts do follow psy.chitect (my insta page).
Thank you