“- Sister Sarah Joan: You clearly love Sacramento.
- Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: I do?
- Sister Sarah Joan: You write about Sacramento so affectionately and with such care.
- Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: I was just describing it.
- Sister Sarah Joan: Well it comes across as love.
- Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson: Sure, I guess I pay attention.
- Sister Sarah Joan: Don't you think maybe they are the same thing? Love and attention?”
Isn't love and paying attention the same? Maybe my story answers it.....
When the lockdown was declared, I like everyone else, was the happiest person alive.
I was savouring each and every moment of my day. The delicate but beautiful process of waking up. Sitting at one place and thinking for hours, undisturbed. Living in our mobile phones for eternity. Wow, I still remember them ( wiping fake tears).
What I described as a perfect life, my mothers' opinion differed.
"Sloth life", was the word she used for her description.
One week later, I received my first warning from my mum.
According to her, I was supposed to live a scheduled life, and cannot spend my entire lockdown like a sloth. I said, "Come on mom, it's definitely not a sloths life. They actually rest for 18 hours a day."
In response to that my mum asked, "Really, and how much do you?".
I took out my phone with panache, opened my notepad, and started calculating. Well, my mom helped me a lot in the calculation, and finally, when we agreed on a particular schedule I was destroyed.
I was actually doing nothing the entire day and was literary living a sloth's life.
Form the very next day, I grabbed some speed in my life. I called many of my friends to know what they were doing and then adopted one activity from each one's life. I thought doing something the entire day will be a fine life.
But even that wasn't enough for my mom.
So after that, I adopted a new schedule. I replaced all my activities with a few of the courses on Coursera. Now, mom couldn't say anything as I was studying, and that too in the vacations.
"This is not a vacation", my mom shouted from the other room. I was horrified because I didn't even utter a word. She just read my mind. Then she stepped into my room and asked, "What are you doing?"
It took me some time to recover from the trauma but then I replied, "I am STUDYING mother, don't disturb me, please".
"When will you take bath", she asked. I was like, what! But I kept my calm and said, "It's just that I am very much concentrated in my studies, and I don't want to lose it. So probably not now".
"From tomorrow, finish all your daily chores on time and then sit to study," she ordered.
Before all this happened I was actually daydreaming that my mother when saw me studying, she came to me and gently moved her hands on my hairs with pride and then praised me for my obedience. I was proudish happy and told her that she should make a habit to see me like this every day and whatnot. But the reality was quite anticlimactic.
I was devasted. I asked her that even though I was studying, why was she being so bossy. In answer to that, she replied, "It's good that you are studying but that is not enough. You have to live with your day like a human being. Doing all your basic chores on time, having a scheduled life, all these things are also important in life."
"It will be never enough for you" I shouted at her in anger and left the room.
The next day was Mother's day, and I didn't even talk to her. I was such a fool. After realising what I have done, at night when she was about to sleep, I went into her room and apologised for my behaviour. She was kind enough to forgive me and as a mother's day present, I promised her that I will do everything, she says.
The next morning I woke up at 6:30. I was done with everything till 9:30 am and then sat in front of my laptop. That day was the best day of my quarantine life. I felt very positive.
Days were passing really well.
One day, just out of nowhere, my mum referring to our neighbours, said to us, "You people do your breakfast so late, you should be done with everything till 7:30 am. Look at the Tapan family, how early they are every day."
I was shattered. Instead of appreciating me every day for my sincerity, she was actually COMPLAINING!!
But I kept quiet, didn't say anything, as I have always regretted after fighting with my mom. Suddenly I remembered my own dialogue, " it's never enough for you" but this time, it just stayed in my mind.
It has been 2 months since the lockdown and I know I have evolved from a devil to a saint. But my lovely mom, she still has a dozen things to point out. Not just in the morning schedule, but in my entire day.
Today when I was watching this movie ladybird, a scene arrived where sister Sarah Jone asks the protagonist a question, "Isn't love and attention the same?"
In the staring, I was flummoxed, but as the movie went on I understood the real meaning associated with it.
In the movie, lady bird's mother Marion criticized her for almost everything her daughter chooses to do in her life, but that's how she paid a lot of attention to her. That’s just her way of showing love for her daughter. She wants her to get the best and that’s why she tries hard to tell her what could be better for her.
I think even if I become a perfect person in my life, I will still receive criticism from my mom, but that's the point right, attention and love are the same things. You can’t love something or someone without giving them the care of attention and your attention can be in any form, it just has to be consistent.
Guys ask yourself, is there anyone around you, who pays you a lot of attention. Maybe you might find it irritating sometimes but just think about it, isn't love and attention the same?